The Worst Kind of Child Abuse

The Worst Kind of Child Abuse

2005016

Topic # 2600 (parental responsibility)

Introduction:

A. TV Documentary by PBS drew a frightening picture of parents in America.

1. The Lost Children of Rockdale County began as a look at a syphilis outbreak in spring ’96 in Conyers, GA. Affluent suburb of Atlanta.

2. As PBS continued to investigate – the result of the story wasn’t the outbreak of the STD…

3. It was HOW the more than 200 upper middle class teens contracted the disease.

B. Kids in beautiful homes – had all material things teens want.

1. But...parents set almost no rules for them.

2. Drinking; drug abuse; wild sex parties going on.

a) Majority of their behavior took place right after school right before parents came home from work, usually between 3-7 PM.

b) Some parents knew what was going on… but…

3. Lacked the resolve to do anything or too absorbed in career to care.

4. Parental clulessness in this case was amazing.

5. Some parents showed more care in managing retirement accounts than in managing their children.

C. Children being neglected by their parents – no materially – but parentally is becoming more the norm rather than the exception.

1. More and more children are left by parents to make up their own rules & live by their self-created social codes.

2. The lives they are living are not pretty.

I. A New Breed of Orphan.

A. Glenn T Stanton calls many kids growing up in today’s society orphans. Describes them this way:

B. They have biologically connected material-providers, but they don’t have emotionally connected parents.

C. They don’t have mothers and fathers who make them feel like they matter.

D. They don’t have parents who set protective boundaries or ennobling expectations.

E. They don’t have parents who are emotionally nurturing or behaviorally directive.

F. They don’t have parents who strive to richly stock the wardrobe of the moral imaginations or deliberately work to develop the architecture of their characters.

G. They don’t have parents who love them with time and intimacy, rather than merely with stuff.

H. They don’t have parents who parent, for these are the primary deeds of parents.

I. In The Lost Children of Rockdale County, BETH ROSS, Dir. Counseling, and Rockdale County Schools: I think there are a lot of children who are running their own lives, who really are testing limits or don't know what the limits are. They're like a balloon, out there floating around in the sky with little direction. And to run into a powerline or to a tree and just burst is something that they're very unaware that could happen. They don't know what's down the road.

J. Too many parents are acting as nonparents. The consequences are being seen all over the country – and right here in our community.

1. How much time are we investing in our children?

2. Do we have real/meaningful relationships with our children?

3. Are we so wrapped up in managing our 401K’s that we’ve neglected to nurture our children?

K. This is the worst kind of child abuse – because it sets children up for misery and failure and a lifetime of regret.

II. God’s word give many practical aspects to parenting.

A. Deut. 6:5-7

1. Parents should love God w/every part of their being, model that love for their children, and teach their children the commandments of God.

2. Not done by setting aside a special time of instruction cut off from the rest of life…

3. Rather…we accomplish it as an intentionally integrated part of daily home life.

4. Our children must learn that God’s commands mean something REAL in day-to-day life.

5. Children need to learn when they hear it and observe it, for the two reinforce one another.

B. Prov. 22:6

1. Solomon tells us 2 things here.

a) How we train a child today will affect the kind of adult he/she grows into.

b) There is a way for a child to go.

1) There’s a path a child should go & a path he should not go.

2. Success? We need to be tuned in to how God made our children so we can know the way they should go.

C. Pro. 22:15; 13:24 – discipline is a necessary part of parenting.

1. Too many neglect this principle today.

D. Ephesians 6:4 – need to be training them – involved with them.

1. Our teaching needs to be consistent; through.

III. Parents have great influence on children.

A. 1.5% of child’s time is spent at church.

1. 25% of child’s time is spent at school.

2. 73% of child’s time is spent under the influence of the home.

3. Statistics tell us that the parent is the prime influence in the life of their children.

B. Children need parents who are crazy about them; parents who get involved in their lives on a daily basis – when it’s easy & hard.

C. Parents are participants w/God in creating and maturing new human beings.

D. In Intentional Fatherhood Glenn T. Stanton says parents should have good answers to these questions:

1. What do I want my child to understand about God?

2. What do I want my child to believe about himself or herself?

3. What personal qualities do I want my child to value most highly?

4. How does my child know I believe in and love him or her?

5. Does my child get that message?

6. Do I love my child by giving him/her my time?

7. Do I teach my child by example what it means to love Christ in daily life?

8. How do I want my child to view work? How am I teaching that and is he or she getting it?

9. What kinds of books do I want to expose my child to?

10. Does my child know what does or does not disappoint me about his/her performance or behavior? Are these fair/worthy expectations?

11. Does my child know what’s most important to me?

IV. A careful look at your parenting style.

A. Authoritarian Parents.

1. These are high on control; rules; and low on warmth and emotional interaction with their children.

2. Like to produce obedient children as long as parents are around – but when out of parents sight – they often engage in reckless behavior.

3. When opportunity presents itself in early adulthood, they run from this oppression like mice from a cage – too often they run into danger.

B. Buddy Parents.

1. High on warmth; low on control; rules. More like peers than parents.

2. Children in these homes believe they are equal to adults and have no need of listening to them.

3. Children in these homes grow up w/a sense of insecurity; anger; lack of moral code; and lack of direction.

C. Laissez-Faire Parents.

1. Low on warmth; low on control. The extreme of nonparents.

2. Children are left to form their own rules & parents offer no correction.

3. Kids often express themselves with anti-social behavior – feel as if they have to tell the world they matter.

D. Authoritative Parents.

1. High levels of emotional warmth & disciplinary direction mark this style of parenting.

2. kids in these households develop two important things that help in later years:

a) Security of knowing they’re loved & someone cares about what they do.

b) Children in these families develop an internal moral compass that they carry with them at all times.

3. Parents in authoritative relationships consistently train their children in some nonnegotiable principles and have helped them understand why these matter.

4. This is the type of parenting that most closely reflects the character of God.

5. This is the parent who leads through patience, example, and with wisdom.

6. one who patiently instructs his child

a) James 1:2-5

b) Have you ever considered 1:4-5 in context of parent/child relationship?

c) Involves having a vision for the end result – where the child grows up – having his priorities in the right place.

Conclusion:

A. Comparing The Fruit of Two Families: The Jukes and the Edwards

1. Both lived at the same time in the same place.

2. The Jukes left a trail of destruction. Research shows 1200 descendants;

a) 310 professional paupers; 130 convicted criminals

b) 60 thieves & pickpockets; 7 murderers

c) Only 20 ever learned a trade & ½ of those learned that in prison.

3. The Edwards left a trail of blessing.

a) 400 descendants

b) 14 college presidents; 100 college professors

c) 100 ministers/missionaries

d) 100 lawyers; 60 doctors

B. The difference: The Edwards practiced biblical family principles.

C. There are many factors today as to why the majority of American families are falling apart.

a. But there is hope – all is not lost.

b. It starts in every individual home. It starts with every individual in the home realizing his need for allegiance to Jesus Christ.

c. It starts with every individual living for God and not for self!

d. Think of our homes w/in our congregation. We’re a step ahead of most.

i. Can it improve? Can we do better?

ii. No time like the present to resolve to do better to ensure a bright future.

D. Do you need to start by making a commitment to Christ?

E. I N V I T A T I O N



The Worst Kind of Child Abuse 2005016 Topic # 2600 (parental responsibility) Introduction: A. TV Documentary by PBS drew a frightening picture of parents in America. 1. The Lost Children of Rockdale County began as a look at a syphilis outbreak in spring ’96 in Conyers, GA. Affluent suburb of Atlanta. 2. As PBS continued to investigate – the result of the story wasn’t the outbreak of the STD… 3. It was HOW the more than 200 upper middle class teens contracted the disease. B. Kids in beautiful homes – had all material things teens want. 1. But...parents set almost no rules for them. 2. Drinking; drug abuse; wild sex parties going on. a) Majority of their behavior took place right after school right before parents came home from work, usually between 3-7 PM. b) Some parents knew what was going on… but… 3. Lacked the resolve to do anything or too absorbed in career to care. 4. Parental clulessness in this case was amazing. 5. Some parents showed more care in managing retirement accounts than in managing their children. C. Children being neglected by their parents – no materially – but parentally is becoming more the norm rather than the exception. 1. More and more children are left by parents to make up their own rules & live by their self-created social codes. 2. The lives they are living are not pretty. I. A New Breed of Orphan. A. Glenn T Stanton calls many kids growing up in today’s society orphans. Describes them this way: B. They have biologically connected material-providers, but they don’t have emotionally connected parents. C. They don’t have mothers and fathers who make them feel like they matter. D. They don’t have parents who set protective boundaries or ennobling expectations. E. They don’t have parents who are emotionally nurturing or behaviorally directive. F. They don’t have parents who strive to richly stock the wardrobe of the moral imaginations or deliberately work to develop the architecture of their characters. G. They don’t have parents who love them with time and intimacy, rather than merely with stuff. H. They don’t have parents who parent, for these are the primary deeds of parents. I. In The Lost Children of Rockdale County, BETH ROSS, Dir. Counseling, and Rockdale County Schools: I think there are a lot of children who are running their own lives, who really are testing limits or don't know what the limits are. They're like a balloon, out there floating around in the sky with little direction. And to run into a powerline or to a tree and just burst is something that they're very unaware that could happen. They don't know what's down the road. J. Too many parents are acting as nonparents. The consequences are being seen all over the country – and right here in our community. 1. How much time are we investing in our children? 2. Do we have real/meaningful relationships with our children? 3. Are we so wrapped up in managing our 401K’s that we’ve neglected to nurture our children? K. This is the worst kind of child abuse – because it sets children up for misery and failure and a lifetime of regret. II. God’s word give many practical aspects to parenting. A. Deut. 6:5-7 1. Parents should love God w/every part of their being, model that love for their children, and teach their children the commandments of God. 2. Not done by setting aside a special time of instruction cut off from the rest of life… 3. Rather…we accomplish it as an intentionally integrated part of daily home life. 4. Our children must learn that God’s commands mean something REAL in day-to-day life. 5. Children need to learn when they hear it and observe it, for the two reinforce one another. B. Prov. 22:6 1. Solomon tells us 2 things here. a) How we train a child today will affect the kind of adult he/she grows into. b) There is a way for a child to go. 1) There’s a path a child should go & a path he should not go. 2. Success? We need to be tuned in to how God made our children so we can know the way they should go. C. Pro. 22:15; 13:24 – discipline is a necessary part of parenting. 1. Too many neglect this principle today. D. Ephesians 6:4 – need to be training them – involved with them. 1. Our teaching needs to be consistent; through. III. Parents have great influence on children. A. 1.5% of child’s time is spent at church. 1. 25% of child’s time is spent at school. 2. 73% of child’s time is spent under the influence of the home. 3. Statistics tell us that the parent is the prime influence in the life of their children. B. Children need parents who are crazy about them; parents who get involved in their lives on a daily basis – when it’s easy & hard. C. Parents are participants w/God in creating and maturing new human beings. D. In Intentional Fatherhood Glenn T. Stanton says parents should have good answers to these questions: 1. What do I want my child to understand about God? 2. What do I want my child to believe about himself or herself? 3. What personal qualities do I want my child to value most highly? 4. How does my child know I believe in and love him or her? 5. Does my child get that message? 6. Do I love my child by giving him/her my time? 7. Do I teach my child by example what it means to love Christ in daily life? 8. How do I want my child to view work? How am I teaching that and is he or she getting it? 9. What kinds of books do I want to expose my child to? 10. Does my child know what does or does not disappoint me about his/her performance or behavior? Are these fair/worthy expectations? 11. Does my child know what’s most important to me? IV. A careful look at your parenting style. A. Authoritarian Parents. 1. These are high on control; rules; and low on warmth and emotional interaction with their children. 2. Like to produce obedient children as long as parents are around – but when out of parents sight – they often engage in reckless behavior. 3. When opportunity presents itself in early adulthood, they run from this oppression like mice from a cage – too often they run into danger. B. Buddy Parents. 1. High on warmth; low on control; rules. More like peers than parents. 2. Children in these homes believe they are equal to adults and have no need of listening to them. 3. Children in these homes grow up w/a sense of insecurity; anger; lack of moral code; and lack of direction. C. Laissez-Faire Parents. 1. Low on warmth; low on control. The extreme of nonparents. 2. Children are left to form their own rules & parents offer no correction. 3. Kids often express themselves with anti-social behavior – feel as if they have to tell the world they matter. D. Authoritative Parents. 1. High levels of emotional warmth & disciplinary direction mark this style of parenting. 2. kids in these households develop two important things that help in later years: a) Security of knowing they’re loved & someone cares about what they do. b) Children in these families develop an internal moral compass that they carry with them at all times. 3. Parents in authoritative relationships consistently train their children in some nonnegotiable principles and have helped them understand why these matter. 4. This is the type of parenting that most closely reflects the character of God. 5. This is the parent who leads through patience, example, and with wisdom. 6. one who patiently instructs his child a) James 1:2-5 b) Have you ever considered 1:4-5 in context of parent/child relationship? c) Involves having a vision for the end result – where the child grows up – having his priorities in the right place. Conclusion: A. Comparing The Fruit of Two Families: The Jukes and the Edwards 1. Both lived at the same time in the same place. 2. The Jukes left a trail of destruction. Research shows 1200 descendants; a) 310 professional paupers; 130 convicted criminals b) 60 thieves & pickpockets; 7 murderers c) Only 20 ever learned a trade & ½ of those learned that in prison. 3. The Edwards left a trail of blessing. a) 400 descendants b) 14 college presidents; 100 college professors c) 100 ministers/missionaries d) 100 lawyers; 60 doctors B. The difference: The Edwards practiced biblical family principles. C. There are many factors today as to why the majority of American families are falling apart. a. But there is hope – all is not lost. b. It starts in every individual home. It starts with every individual in the home realizing his need for allegiance to Jesus Christ. c. It starts with every individual living for God and not for self! d. Think of our homes w/in our congregation. We’re a step ahead of most. i. Can it improve? Can we do better? ii. No time like the present to resolve to do better to ensure a bright future. D. Do you need to start by making a commitment to Christ? E. I N V I T A T I O N