Laying a Foundation for an Enduring Marriage

2005013

Topic # 2592

Introduction:

A.     Need to stabilize and strengthen the home is voiced at virtually every level in society.

1.      # of people who want an enduring marriage is increasing, but the divorce rate remains steady.

2.      # of people living together is soaring. Many adults seem to be afraid of marriage.

3.      Spouse/child abuse take place in far more homes than we can imagine.

B.     Problems attacking home & family visibly escalated over last half of 20^th Century.

1.      Concept of successful family in 1950 looks different from the successful marriage of today.

2.      In that problems & needs confronting today’s marriages greatly increased.

3.      We can’t turn back the clock.

a)     Everyone lives in the age, time, and situation of now.

b)     So we must look for ways to deal w/today’s issues & realities.

C.    So how to deal with it?

1.      We can stress permanent marriage & denounce divorce.

2.      Document the horrible consequences of divorce on the rejected hus/wife.

3.      document the effects on children; the extreme economic effects

4.      Talk about statistics that point to children from divorced families are more likely to divorce and engage in anti-social behavior.

5.      These matters have been discussed at length through the years.  We’ve all heard sermons on these matters.

D.    These arguments are based on the assumption that correct knowledge will reverse the problems and meet the needs.

1.      While there is a need for this, will ONLY correct knowledge address the realities that produce the problems?

2.      e.g., consider the knowledge that God wants marriage to be an enduring relationship…

a)     Correct…but… this knowledge alone does not teach people how to build an enduring marriage.

3.      We need lessons on how to have constructive conflict resolution; how to create/sustain healthy love; how to be financially responsible.

4.      Until we deal with the issues that attack and destroy the relationship, family situations will not improve.

5.      That’s why this series of lessons of vital importance.

E.     Want to equip believers with basic skills & understandings necessary for a successful marriage relationship.

F.     What is required? What is needed to make marriages enduring?

I.  An Accurate Definition of Marital Success.

A.     Success is not the mere refusal to divorce.

1.      Many failed relationships never divorce.

2.      Refusing to divorce will not neutralize the destructiveness of a failed relationship.

a)     Many homes are not officially broken…but like an army camp in a state of cold war.”

B.     For many – marriage is a source of enormous misery.

1.      Not a new reality – but an ancient one.

2.      While divorce rates lower in previous decades- doesn’t automatically mean marriages were happier.

3.      Abuse, neglect, and incest are nothing new.

4.      Years past: very few options & few places to turn for help.

C.    Ideal companionship is rare in marriage. Marriages which share the highest quality of:

1.      friendship; compassion; caring; support; understanding;

2.      trust; sensitivity; reliability; love; appreciation

3.      These are the exception!

D.    How does a couple reach this point? What each of us should be working toward?

1.      Realize there needs to be a mutual desire to improve the relationship.  No marriage can produce the companionship God demanded through the efforts of 1 person.

2.      Eph. 5:33 – applies to the hus/wife relationship

3.      Mt. 7:12 – treat hus/wife as you prefer to be treated.

a)     forgiveness; show mercy; encourage; unselfish

4.      Constantly pray for guidance; wisdom; and understanding to develop ourselves into the best kind of hus/wife.  Phil. 4:6

E.     Do you have confidence in God’s principles?

1.      A successful marriage is very much a faith issue. Surprising?

2.      If God is the origin of the relationship; how can it fail to be a faith issue?

3.      Do you believe that if you are God’s person …that God will work in your relationship?

4.      Do you believe enough to trust God? To Act?

 

II. Develop Unconditional Love

A.     Significant percentage of the population doesn’t have understanding of unconditional love.

1.      Many simply do not know how to love. Some...

2.      Grew up in a divorced home; or seriously dysfunctional home – where little togetherness or interaction.

3.      They were deprived of the opportunity to see a loving, successful marriage as it functioned.

4.      The concept of what it is to be a hus/wife is seriously, dangerously flawed before some marry.

B.     Some have a self centered & conditional love.  Failed expectations…

1.      He/she not what I expected; I don’t feel what I expected to feel in marriage…

2.      Some wives feel real reason husband married her was for her to take care of domestic responsibilities

3.      some husbands feel reason wife married him was to find security

C.    Eph. 5:22-25 – Christ’s love for the church was/is unconditional.

1.      It was/is a sacrificial love.

2.      did not love us because we loved Him first – 1 Jhn. 4:9-11

a)     Why can’t 4:11 be applied to the marriage relationship?

b)     Col. 4:14 – love is the perfect bond of unity.

D.    Unconditional love is not a love of complacency.

1.      It is not always drawn out by excellency in its object.

2.      It is a love of deliberate choice – not always an impulse from feelings; doesn’t always run with natural inclinations.

E.     1 Cor. 13:4-7 – must develop this kind of love.

 

III. Work to build a successful relationship.

A.     Many, in the past, have been deprived of opportunities to see successful relationships in action.

B.     Husbands:  learn how to be God’s kind of husband.

1.      1 Pet 2:21-22 – lead from a standpoint of moral purity.

a)     2:23 – follow Jesus’ example.

b)     Phil. 2:15 – shine as a light in the world.

2.       Work to be positively involved with your family.

a)     Lk. 9:23 – Jesus didn’t stay in heaven & bark orders.

b)     Came to earth; lived the life; pleaded…follow Me.

c)      Husbands...get in the trenches….work….encourgae your family to follow your example.\

3.      Lead by serving – Mt. 20:28 – Christians are servant leaders.

4.      lead by tender kindness – 1 Pet. 3:7

C.    Wives…learn how to be God’s kind of wife:

1.      1 Pet. 3:1-6; Gen. 12:5 – think if Sarah like many modern women?

2.      Focus on 3:5-6 – this is the godly attitude God wants wives to have!

3.      Phil. 2:5-8 – Jesus responded to the Father’s plan of salvation – voluntarily.

a)     Submission simply means to acknowledge/respect God’s designated line of authority.

4.      When you respond – do it joyfully – Heb. 12:2 Jesus didn’t grumble or complain about the cross.

5.      Phil. 2:9 – submission results in honor.  Jesus..Honor…submission not degrading – it’s results in honor.

 

IV. Build your Communication skills.

A.     Significant percentage of adults do not know how to communicate.

1.      This reality must be addressed.

2.      How strong are your communication skills?

B.     Do you listen to gain comprehension?

1.      Or...do you listen to defend?

2.      Or...do you listen to defeat?

3.      Js. 1:19

C.    Do you watch how you say things?

1.      May be right – but damage done by way you say it.

2.      Facial/body tone accounts for the majority of the way we communicate w/others.  Unspoken language is going on all the time.

D.    Have you taken the time to get to know your spouse?

1.      Do you know the love language your spouse speaks?

2.      Do they respond to words of affirmation?

3.      Quality time?

4.      Receiving gifts?

5.      Acts of service?

6.      Physical touch?

E.     1 Pet. 3:7 – live with each other in an understanding way

 

Conclusion:

                    I.            God's highest object in marriage is companionship. It was intended to produce:

                                         A.            The greatest form of friendship that could be experienced in human existence.

                                         B.            The most compassionate relationship that could be experienced on earth.

                                        C.            The most caring interaction that two people could ever know.

                                        D.            The most supportive relationship two people could experience.

                                         E.            The most genuine understanding two people would ever find.

                                         F.            The greatest level of trust two people would ever know.

                                        G.            The most genuine commitment that could be experienced.

                                        H.            The most dependable relationship that could exist between two people.

                                            I.            The greatest source of love that could be experienced in human relationships.

                                          J.            The source of the greatest appreciation that a person would ever know.

                  II.            All of this starts with a relationship with God.  Do you need to obey the gospel?  Get started today!

                III.            I N V I T A T I O N