Dealing With an Imperfect Family

Dealing With an Imperfect Family

2005011

Topic # 2562

Introduction:

A. When you think of a perfect family, what comes to mind?

1. Leave it to Beaver? Andy Griffith? Dick Van Dyke Show?

B. Looking back at your life, would you say you grew up in a perfect family?

1. Well..maybe not?

2. How many of us would compare our family to All in the Family or The Addams Family?

C. Have you ever seen a “perfect” family?

D. Look around. Live in culture where more and more imperfection. More problems w/families.

1. Family dysfunction has become the norm.

2. Nuclear family is becoming less common.

3. Increasing #’s of single parent & step-parent families.

4. Studies reveal an increase in child abuse, delinquency, and truancy.

5. 10 % of US families are affected in someway by alcoholism.

E. What to make of all this? Is it hopeless?

1. Nothing new under the sun.

2. Imperfect families are found in Scripture:

a) Gen. 21:9-21 – Abraham rejects Hagar & Ishmael.

b) Gen. 27:41 – Jacob steals Esau’s birthright & Esau threatened to kill Jacob.

c) Gen. 37:18-36 – the plot by Joseph’s brothers to sell him into slavery.

d) Gen. 38 – remember the terrible story of incest between Judah & Tamar?

e) 2 Sam. 11 – David’s adultery with Bathsheba; murder of Uriah; and his taking her in as his wife.

F. So if you feel that you are reeling from the affects of an imperfect family, you’re not alone.

1. Imperfect families have been around for generations.

2. B/c of this, today we want to examine 3 insights that will help us overcome the impact of an imperfect family.

G. 2 Cor. 10:3-5

1. Think how we can underestimate the impact that our families have on how we look at life.

2. Many of us have experienced all kinds of painful problems in the past that we still deal with today.

3. How do we overcome problems created by an imperfect family? Not one perfect family in this room – so what are we to do?

I. Understand the patterns of the past.

A. 2 Cor. 10:4

1. Emphasis on “strongholds.”

2. Verse talking about patterns of behavior or “ruts” we fall into day after day.

3. A stronghold is a consistent pattern of behavior that does not agree w/God’s truth.

B. All of us deal with strongholds in our lives.

1. We deal w/patterns of behavior that do not correspond w/what God wants for us.

a) Many of these habits began when we were children/teenagers.

b) We had no choice about the family in which we were raised, but…

2. We make choices today!

a) Choices on how to respond to what happens around us.

b) Choices become patterns in our lives.

3. Choices lead us toward God or away from God.

4. Lead us into healthy relationships or away from healthy relationships with people.

5. What are those patterns of the past that can be destructive? Develop a grip on us?

C. A lack of forgiveness.

1. Unwilling to forgive? Leads to many more problems in life.

a) Certain times/circumstances – can be hardest thing to do. Esp in family relationships.

b) Must be done – Eph. 4:22-24, 31-32

c) w/o forgiveness we won’t be saved – Mt. 6:14-15

2. A lack of forgiveness usually leads to:

D. Bitterness

1. Not uncommon to feel hurt because of something that has happened to us in life. Natural.

2. Heb. 12:15

3. Bitterness can take root in our heart & take over our lives.

a) Trouble & pain; like heartburn…bubble over if we let it.

b) Must do whatever it takes to not let it reign in our heart.

4. Bitterness leads to:

E. Shallow relationships

1. When bitterness is present – b/c difficult to develop deep relationships w/others.

2. Why? Deep relationships involve conflict. Don’t want to get hurt, don’t trust others. This is no way to live life! How?

a) Causes us to stay inside ourselves – b/c we think we’re the only one we can trust.

b) And the easiest way is to stay away from others.

3. Shallow relationships can also lead to co-dependency.

a) Where we trust only 1 person in life - & put all energies into that 1 person or persons.

b) Some parents b/c so focused on their children – that they ignore their spouse – b/c of distrust.

F. Another stronghold we must breakdown is an unhealthy desire to please.

1. How is this a problem? Two ways:

2. Some avoid conflict at any cost.

a) Don’t want to be source of displeasure.

b) Never resolves conflict. Doesn’t talk about it.

3. Some are extremely self critical.

a) We sometimes set ridiculously high standards for ourselves.

b) Some never happy because they can’t please themselves.

c) This a pattern of behavior that runs contrary to God’s truth.

G. Destructive behavior

1. We can be guilty of this through:

2. Addictions. Addictions usually result b/c of a desire to run away from problems.

a) Escape can be alcoholism; drug abuse; pornography; workaholism.

b) These are/can be tough strongholds to have victory against. Years to overcome. Living testimonies to such…

3. Some are self sufficient…

a) We can handle anything that comes our way on our own strength.

b) I’ll do it because no one else will do it for me.

c) Things become impossible, headed for failure if we fail to rely on God.

d) We must acknowledge God & trust in His strength to accomplish what He wants for us.

e) To take credit for everything & never acknowledge God is destructive behavior.

H. After we have discovered the strongholds that may have a grip on our life…it is time to:

II. Uncover power for the present.

A. Patterns of behavior that do not agree w/God’s truth protect us in someway from pain.

1. Lack of forgiveness protects from disappointment

2. Distrust….betrayal

3. people pleasing….fear of failure

4. destructive behavior….the truth that we need God’s help

B. Pro. 10:29 – note usage of wd stronghold here.

1. God’s way b/c the right kind of stronghold to provide protection for us.

2. How? How can we gain the power to overcome the strongholds that hold back our relationships & create imperfect families?

C. Learn to practice forgiveness – Col. 3:12-13

1. Make allowances for each others faults. Understand that people are not perfect.

a) Parents; spouse; child are not perfect.

b) Need to get to the point that we’re OK w/that.

2. Mt. 6:14-15 – the power behind our forgiveness is the fact that God has forgiven us.

3. We’ll never forgive someone more than God has forgiven us!

4. Until we come to enjoy the forgiveness of God, we’ll never be able to forgive others.

5. Learn to practice it now! How?

a) Remember forgiveness is a choice of your will.

b) Make the choice – regardless if you don’t feel like it. Make the choice and the emotions will follow.

c) Do it again & again, as much as necessary. It’s a choice & a process.

D. Look for people you trust.

1. Take the risk – even if hard to find.

2. We can’t and shouldn’t have to live life & deal w/life alone.

3. look to brethren in this church for strength – Gal. 6:2

4. Look to those in your family who you love & admire.

E. Live to please God. Gal. 1:10

1. Think back on high school. Most of us spend our HS years trying to please people that we’ve never seen since HS and may never see again.

2. Instead of worrying w/others – why not worry about what God thinks?

3. 2 Cor. 5:9 – is this our aim?

a) What if our # 1 aim in life is to please God above everything else?

b) How would that change things?

c) It’s knowing that we’ve pleased the one who made us! That’s where our power comes from!

F. Eph. 5:18 – Let God control your life through the influence of the Spirit.

1. Surrender to God’s control.

2. Surrender everything to Him.

3. Do that? We can find genuine power for living.

G. Have you discovered this power for your life?

1. From a relationship w/God himself?

2. Don’t just play games w/God. Don’t just go through the motions.

3. Quit doing this …then…

III. Undertake the possibilities God has For Your Future.

A. Based on the choices you make in your life today – what does your future look like?

1. Your family?

2. Are you reproducing the same mistakes your family made w/you?

3. Are you setting a new trajectory for your life? Your children?

B. What kind of person do you want to be in the future? Be specific.

Conclusion:

A. God wants us to be overwhelmed by His love.

B. He wants you to experience that kind of love in relationships w/the people in your life – if you will.

1. Begin w/a relationship w/the creator.

2. Quite hanging on to the patterns of the past.

3. Until you do, you will not experience what He has for you.

C. Get your life right w/God & the pieces of the puzzle will begin to fit.

1. While our lives may not look like the Cleaver family – we can all strive to become more godly just a little every day.

2. Get started today!

D. I N V I T A T I O N



Dealing With an Imperfect Family 2005011 Topic # 2562 Introduction: A. When you think of a perfect family, what comes to mind? 1. Leave it to Beaver? Andy Griffith? Dick Van Dyke Show? B. Looking back at your life, would you say you grew up in a perfect family? 1. Well..maybe not? 2. How many of us would compare our family to All in the Family or The Addams Family? C. Have you ever seen a “perfect” family? D. Look around. Live in culture where more and more imperfection. More problems w/families. 1. Family dysfunction has become the norm. 2. Nuclear family is becoming less common. 3. Increasing #’s of single parent & step-parent families. 4. Studies reveal an increase in child abuse, delinquency, and truancy. 5. 10 % of US families are affected in someway by alcoholism. E. What to make of all this? Is it hopeless? 1. Nothing new under the sun. 2. Imperfect families are found in Scripture: a) Gen. 21:9-21 – Abraham rejects Hagar & Ishmael. b) Gen. 27:41 – Jacob steals Esau’s birthright & Esau threatened to kill Jacob. c) Gen. 37:18-36 – the plot by Joseph’s brothers to sell him into slavery. d) Gen. 38 – remember the terrible story of incest between Judah & Tamar? e) 2 Sam. 11 – David’s adultery with Bathsheba; murder of Uriah; and his taking her in as his wife. F. So if you feel that you are reeling from the affects of an imperfect family, you’re not alone. 1. Imperfect families have been around for generations. 2. B/c of this, today we want to examine 3 insights that will help us overcome the impact of an imperfect family. G. 2 Cor. 10:3-5 1. Think how we can underestimate the impact that our families have on how we look at life. 2. Many of us have experienced all kinds of painful problems in the past that we still deal with today. 3. How do we overcome problems created by an imperfect family? Not one perfect family in this room – so what are we to do? I. Understand the patterns of the past. A. 2 Cor. 10:4 1. Emphasis on “strongholds.” 2. Verse talking about patterns of behavior or “ruts” we fall into day after day. 3. A stronghold is a consistent pattern of behavior that does not agree w/God’s truth. B. All of us deal with strongholds in our lives. 1. We deal w/patterns of behavior that do not correspond w/what God wants for us. a) Many of these habits began when we were children/teenagers. b) We had no choice about the family in which we were raised, but… 2. We make choices today! a) Choices on how to respond to what happens around us. b) Choices become patterns in our lives. 3. Choices lead us toward God or away from God. 4. Lead us into healthy relationships or away from healthy relationships with people. 5. What are those patterns of the past that can be destructive? Develop a grip on us? C. A lack of forgiveness. 1. Unwilling to forgive? Leads to many more problems in life. a) Certain times/circumstances – can be hardest thing to do. Esp in family relationships. b) Must be done – Eph. 4:22-24, 31-32 c) w/o forgiveness we won’t be saved – Mt. 6:14-15 2. A lack of forgiveness usually leads to: D. Bitterness 1. Not uncommon to feel hurt because of something that has happened to us in life. Natural. 2. Heb. 12:15 3. Bitterness can take root in our heart & take over our lives. a) Trouble & pain; like heartburn…bubble over if we let it. b) Must do whatever it takes to not let it reign in our heart. 4. Bitterness leads to: E. Shallow relationships 1. When bitterness is present – b/c difficult to develop deep relationships w/others. 2. Why? Deep relationships involve conflict. Don’t want to get hurt, don’t trust others. This is no way to live life! How? a) Causes us to stay inside ourselves – b/c we think we’re the only one we can trust. b) And the easiest way is to stay away from others. 3. Shallow relationships can also lead to co-dependency. a) Where we trust only 1 person in life - & put all energies into that 1 person or persons. b) Some parents b/c so focused on their children – that they ignore their spouse – b/c of distrust. F. Another stronghold we must breakdown is an unhealthy desire to please. 1. How is this a problem? Two ways: 2. Some avoid conflict at any cost. a) Don’t want to be source of displeasure. b) Never resolves conflict. Doesn’t talk about it. 3. Some are extremely self critical. a) We sometimes set ridiculously high standards for ourselves. b) Some never happy because they can’t please themselves. c) This a pattern of behavior that runs contrary to God’s truth. G. Destructive behavior 1. We can be guilty of this through: 2. Addictions. Addictions usually result b/c of a desire to run away from problems. a) Escape can be alcoholism; drug abuse; pornography; workaholism. b) These are/can be tough strongholds to have victory against. Years to overcome. Living testimonies to such… 3. Some are self sufficient… a) We can handle anything that comes our way on our own strength. b) I’ll do it because no one else will do it for me. c) Things become impossible, headed for failure if we fail to rely on God. d) We must acknowledge God & trust in His strength to accomplish what He wants for us. e) To take credit for everything & never acknowledge God is destructive behavior. H. After we have discovered the strongholds that may have a grip on our life…it is time to: II. Uncover power for the present. A. Patterns of behavior that do not agree w/God’s truth protect us in someway from pain. 1. Lack of forgiveness protects from disappointment 2. Distrust….betrayal 3. people pleasing….fear of failure 4. destructive behavior….the truth that we need God’s help B. Pro. 10:29 – note usage of wd stronghold here. 1. God’s way b/c the right kind of stronghold to provide protection for us. 2. How? How can we gain the power to overcome the strongholds that hold back our relationships & create imperfect families? C. Learn to practice forgiveness – Col. 3:12-13 1. Make allowances for each others faults. Understand that people are not perfect. a) Parents; spouse; child are not perfect. b) Need to get to the point that we’re OK w/that. 2. Mt. 6:14-15 – the power behind our forgiveness is the fact that God has forgiven us. 3. We’ll never forgive someone more than God has forgiven us! 4. Until we come to enjoy the forgiveness of God, we’ll never be able to forgive others. 5. Learn to practice it now! How? a) Remember forgiveness is a choice of your will. b) Make the choice – regardless if you don’t feel like it. Make the choice and the emotions will follow. c) Do it again & again, as much as necessary. It’s a choice & a process. D. Look for people you trust. 1. Take the risk – even if hard to find. 2. We can’t and shouldn’t have to live life & deal w/life alone. 3. look to brethren in this church for strength – Gal. 6:2 4. Look to those in your family who you love & admire. E. Live to please God. Gal. 1:10 1. Think back on high school. Most of us spend our HS years trying to please people that we’ve never seen since HS and may never see again. 2. Instead of worrying w/others – why not worry about what God thinks? 3. 2 Cor. 5:9 – is this our aim? a) What if our # 1 aim in life is to please God above everything else? b) How would that change things? c) It’s knowing that we’ve pleased the one who made us! That’s where our power comes from! F. Eph. 5:18 – Let God control your life through the influence of the Spirit. 1. Surrender to God’s control. 2. Surrender everything to Him. 3. Do that? We can find genuine power for living. G. Have you discovered this power for your life? 1. From a relationship w/God himself? 2. Don’t just play games w/God. Don’t just go through the motions. 3. Quit doing this …then… III. Undertake the possibilities God has For Your Future. A. Based on the choices you make in your life today – what does your future look like? 1. Your family? 2. Are you reproducing the same mistakes your family made w/you? 3. Are you setting a new trajectory for your life? Your children? B. What kind of person do you want to be in the future? Be specific. Conclusion: A. God wants us to be overwhelmed by His love. B. He wants you to experience that kind of love in relationships w/the people in your life – if you will. 1. Begin w/a relationship w/the creator. 2. Quite hanging on to the patterns of the past. 3. Until you do, you will not experience what He has for you. C. Get your life right w/God & the pieces of the puzzle will begin to fit. 1. While our lives may not look like the Cleaver family – we can all strive to become more godly just a little every day. 2. Get started today! D. I N V I T A T I O N